Today at lunch with a very close girlfriend, after discussing our recent court battle, and Makaela entering her teen years, my girlfriend looked at me and asked if she could ask me a question, letting me know the question wasn’t meant to upset me. I said sure, not knowing what to expect.
She asked me if I would do it all over again, marrying Jason, knowing what I know now and going through what we’ve gone through thus far, and having the teenage years ahead of us. Without hesitation I said “I would”.
I would because I am with a man that I love and know loves me and his daughter. He's a great man, a great husband, and a great dad. He's not perfect, and all of this is not easy, but with the right person by your side it makes it a little more tolerable (and wine, wine helps).
I’ll be honest though, in the beginning of our relationship I tried to end things a few times, not because I didn’t love Jason or Makaela, it was my insecurity as a non-mother stepping into a mother role. What did I know about being a mom, absolutely nothing! Did I want to learn to be a mother? At the time I honestly didn’t know if I did, if I had it in me. I had been so career-focused and me-focused that the thought of focusing my efforts on other people and doing things that I didn’t always want to do made me question moving forward with the relationship.
But, Jason wouldn’t let me walk away. He was the first boyfriend I had that wouldn’t let me break up with him, and believe me, I tried! When he said “no, we’ve got something special, let’s give this a try”, I had to say let me think about it and call you back (because I tried to break up with him over the phone). I honestly didn’t know how to respond. He was fighting for us. Could I fight my internal fears and jump into this 100%?
Well, you already know the answer. I did, and I would do it all over again. I love this man and Makaela more than I ever thought I could. It's not always easy and some days are downright hard, but that's every relationship. There are challenges and struggles and if you're with the right person, you'll both just come out stronger and more cohesive after, because you're doing it together. He's my person and Makaela's our girl.
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