Ah, the cell phone. The cause for fights between kids and parents all over the world. We have struggled with finding a balance in what to allow and what to restrict as Makaela gets older. We want her to have the access so that she can learn how to use her phone and all the capabilities of the phone, while implementing restrictions so she doesn't become one of those kids that is always on her phone, which is hard.
We've established a few phone/electronics guidelines that we do in our home and wanted to share with you. There's no scientific or psychological approach to what we've chosen, it's just what we've decided to put in place at our home:
1. No electronics in the bedroom at night.
On my way to work one day I heard a story on the radio that said that some large percentage of bullying and other bad stuff typically happens via social media after 8:30 at night, which can then cause sleep issues for the children, which then leads to school problems, emotional problems, etc. I'm not saying this is the cure all for any of these issues and we cannot protect her from everything, but what we can do to try to help her have a peaceful mind and environment to help ensure that she gets a good restful sleep, with no distractions in her room after she lays down.
Example: I went to lunch with an old client who has a teenage son and he was sharing a story about his son and how they had done this but his son would grab the phone after he thought his parents had gone to sleep and was having late night conversations with a girlfriend, and they were also sharing pictures that weren't appropriate. He and his wife discovered this one evening when they were up after the kids went to bed having a glass of wine and their son's phone beeped with an incoming message, a message that lead them to look at prior messages, to discover what had been going on. To which they then put into place some very strict guidelines on use and had the conversation regarding the consequences of sharing inappropriate pictures, etc.
2. No Electronics Sundays (NES).
We implemented this for the whole family but admittedly Jason and I haven't been as good or consistent with this on Sundays as we use our phones for grocery lists, getting ready for our work week, etc. We do shut down Makaela's phone so she is social media free for one day a week. Once again, I had read an article somewhere that talked about a family that did this and thought it was a good idea so we implemented in our home. We wanted to take away the phone distraction so that she would try to think of other things to do for the day - being outside, reading, hanging out with friends, hanging out with us, doing something crafty, etc. We've been doing it so long it's just routine for her now. I'm not saying that she likes it this way but has just accepted that it's how Sunday's are with us.
3. Phone Restrictions / time limits.
We are an Apple family and Makaela is on my family plan so I am able to monitor, edit, or restrict her screen time via my phone (settings, screen time). I set time limits so that she is shut out of her phone starting at 8:00PM to 7:40AM and also set time limits on social networking and entertainment to 1 hour and 15 minutes/day. The times are set to help prevent phone use right before bed and first thing in the morning and the time limits on social networking and entertainment are just to help ensure she's not spending hours upon hours on her phone everyday. There are apps that I give her full access to like messages, FaceTime, maps, Alexa, calculator, calendar, camera, CapitalOne, Fitbit, Google Docs, etc. so that she can use when she needs and not worry about exceeding any limits.
Ultimately we understand that this will be a continuing discussion as she gets older and one that we need to keep front of mind to help her create good habits to protect herself when we're not around, but we know that we also need to give her some freedom to learn on her own. And, we really do trust her. She hasn't given us any reasons not to which is why she has the freedoms she does. But, she also needs to understand that having a phone is a privilege and not a right and we believe that by setting the rules that we have it helps keep that line in the sand. We've had the discussion and she understands that she would get her phone taken away for a major offense regarding her phone (bullying, sending inappropriate texts or posting inappropriate pictures or comments on social media, etc).
Balance - a constant challenge in life, especially when it comes to teenagers and electronics and what is right and wrong. Ultimately we all need to follow our hearts and do what we feel is right for our families.
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