As mentioned previously, I was single for a long time, working on my career and being happy being single and just living life.
As our relationship progressed, I was quickly learning that what used to me mine isn’t all mine anymore and sometimes that’s hard. As a Steppy this is true of your time, your money, and your things. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, it's just a big adjustment.
In the beginning, it didn’t take long for me to want to contribute to groceries, dinners out, etc because Jason was a single dad, with full custody, trying to pay for it all on his own (rent, childcare, Makaela’s activities, etc). At the time, I was happy to contribute because I was a working woman and I could afford to and didn’t have the extra obligations he did.
But, as things grew even more serious, we needed to have the discussion of money and what my portion would be for things like rent, and would it make sense to have Makaela on my insurance, and as she’s gotten older it’s grown to clothes, allowance, insurance, camps, school expenses, etc.
I recently had a therapist tell me to "be careful" and not to spend too much of my resources as she didn't want me to get resentful in the relationship. Since I'm not the biological mom and my marriage isn't guaranteed to last forever, she didn't want me to look back at some point and regret the spending. She's right, my marriage isn't guaranteed and statistics do say second marriages have a high probability of divorce.
Although this comment really shocked me and made me think, I honestly would still do what I've done and continue to do. If I don't, I feel like I say I'm bowing out of the whole mom role, because that's what mom's do (at least most moms), we take care of our kids and their needs, the best we can. I'm doing the best I can and spending what I can afford to spend to contribute to Makaela's well being.
With all that being said, sometimes it’s hard to hand it over, when I would really love to get myself a new purse or pair of shoes. That sounds selfish but I had been able to be selfish for 30+ years before meeting Jason.
I work really hard for what I make and ultimately, I have become comfortable contributing to expenses for Makaela. She is our daughter and I want to do what I can for her. Admittedly, at times I do invoice my husband for items I think he should have to pay for.
Money is a sensitive subject in any relationship but I feel that this subject is ultra-sensitive so it’s a continuing discussion as incomes change, expenses increase, etc. It’s good for me to truly understand all that he’s paying for to understand where I can and want to help. This is a partnership and I'm not going to let the therapist lady change my perspective otherwise. I figure any marriage has a 50/50 shot and I'm banking on us making it!
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